Title: A Journey To The Truth

Form: Poetry

Author: Luke Meyer

Artist: Luke Meyer

########################################################

       TRUE:

No one knows I’m literally insane until I choose to reveal it. If we are what we reveal, it’s how I got my diagnosis. 

And that is why it’s not my mental health that has caused me to become who I am, because if I chose to keep my relationships with shadow people a secret, no one would be able to know there was something cognitively abnormal about me. 

                                        TRUER:

Schizophrenia therefore is, in my experience, a social disorder and not a mental disorder. My mind is rejected by society; my mind is not rejected by me.

It is my choice to make you reject my reality.

It is my choice. 

That is my doing.

                                                                        TRUER:

The schizophrenic rarely seeks help because his condition commands him to be at his best, not at his worst; if he hasn’t killed himself yet, it means that he intends to fight the voices, to vie against them, to weather their campaign against him, and to finish the process somewhere on top. The psychiatrist demands him to acknowledge his illness, but the last thing he can possibly do in front of his opponents will be to discover, accept, and acknowledge any weakness about himself. He is fighting for his life, literally, and as such he cannot empathize with any human voice that tells him the spirits are not real.

Because he is now walking amongst great spirits—-all sorts of people, astral wildlife, demons, even the divine. He just doesn’t care anymore about worldliness and acting “right,” as much as he used to. For the first time ever he can see how controlled he really was his entire life by the perception of his competence. Him, the guy who now has lived for years without that. Him, the guy who believed that he was always free when he was deemed rational, reasonable, insightful and sane. It took him years to learn how to live without having that former requirement fulfilled because that was the truth of his speed. And still trapped by his attachment to his voices, still fettered to the issue he remains, but now affected by its burden less, others can see it too that he will not change, and he will never feel wrong about it, even at all. If his schizophrenia means simply that he’s talking to spirits, he knows that he is a lifer. One who will never get “better.”

                             TRUEST:

If I remember correctly, the “demon” as I sometimes will call any shadow person, took me by surprise, when I had never seen one before, like any sane rational person; it was all too profound to see them existing, and I was too scared to not report them when one of them accosted me, literally, seeming to me, just like anyone’s normal idea of a “demon.” But when the shadow people never left me, after about some few days, I ascertained this was gonna be schizophrenia for me. And I was forced to understand the motivation for the intentional strategy of pretending to people that the shadow people had left me alone by now. I contemplated lying about this. This was to prevent a schizophrenia diagnosis, of course. In the world meanwhile, everyone was trying to reconcile my experience. I was still reporting shadow people to them. A week had gone by with no improvements. Anyone who believed at first that it could be true, had to now wonder if I was insane, like many others did already. The consensus against my sanity was cementing, but I kept reporting shadow people to everyone while knowing perfectly well that this was happening, and that was because to lie about it would have been really hard for me. It would still be really hard for me, even today, now that my relations with shadow people have turned some degrees less deadly. I guess it’s just that talking to aliens, shadow people, demons, ghosts, angels, the divine–––it’s like seeing UFOs, which I’ve done––it’s like talking to God, which I’ve also done; it’s too profound, it’s too big, it’s too real. That is why I roll with it. And that is the only reason why I’m schizophrenic.