The Novelty Items Hall of Fame

Greetings from Garden Path @ the Internet. Folks, tonight is a very special night, as tonight we honor true legends — legends of the somehow-always-compelling world of the novelty item. From the toys in our attics, to prank items, collectables and beyond. Tonight we honor the most useless of the useless, the most extraordinary in the mundane — the products of fewest purpose — from the desktops in our cubicles, to the dashboards in our El Caminos — inside the backpacks of our youngsters, and hidden within the handshakes of cartoon characters — from the black-and-tan pages in obscure magazines, to the purple-lit shelving in Spencer’s gift shops everywhere — the novelty item, in all of its glory — tonight we honor them, though only the best of them, for their inexplicable achievements in the modern economy, and for their modest contribution to the greater culture of the Old World Order.

I am your host and MC, Lucas Meyer, and this is, your one and only, Novelty Items Hall of Fame. And now, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, please stand and rise, and help us to give a warm and rousing welcome to the first ever, inaugural class — for official induction to the Novelty Items Hall of Fame, in Garden Path @ Internet — ladies and gentleman, it is my sincerest and most highly esteemed honor to introduce to you, The Hall of Fame’s very own, first ever, novelty class, of 2014!

[Literally everyone (including yourself) rises to their feet — keyboards crash to the floor, drinks spill on laps, minds literally explode — the entire Internet, the whole world over is rioting over anticipation]


First up, folks, we have the “Classical Pranksters.” These are the real chum punchers. The items that all of us know though less of us own; The relics of a forgotten era in pedestrian slapstick.

Exploding Cigar

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Fake vomit

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Whoopee cushion

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Chinese finger trap

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Itching Powder

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Joy Buzzer

Joker's_Joy_Buzzer

Stink Bomb

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Snake Nut Can

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Fake excrement

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