The Hammock Level

Recently I made a decision to replace my bed with a hammock. As of one week already I am confident this decision is one of the best I’ve made in years.

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If your bedroom is lacking a hammock, you’re not on my level. Six reasons you’re not on my level:

1.) You’re not on my level
If we’re in the same bedroom, and you’re in a bed and I’m on my hammock, you literally are not on my level. If by some off chance we find ourselves on the same level, I will simply adjust the ends of my hammock, and look down on you for the rest of the night. Shame on you, for not having a hammock. You are not my level.

Let all worries lay to rest
Nightly dunes from sediment
Rise above the frame
All that’s life is better plain
If you can drift you can’t be lame
-Hammock tanka

2.) The economics of my level
Way up high, at my illustrious level, the fee to sleep there is pretty cheap: $25. Far more affordable than your mattress, box spring, rails, pillows and blankets, all of which seem to me as a mass of ants, as I cast down with well-rested eyes, shaking my head from up so high above you.

3.) The sincerity of my level
Up in the clouds I will rest my head and sleep in peace. But my life wasn’t always like that however; when I was sleeping in beds, sleep was the rarest activity to be fulfilled–back in the dark ages, when my bed had functioned more frequently as a desk, a couch, even dinner a table. With all three side-functions happening daily, sleep comprised only a quarter of the usages of my bed. In my noble hammock, however, there is only so much one can do there, so sleep comes easy, which brings us to reason number four.

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4.) The gentle arms of my level
Throughout my life I’ve been a restless sleeper. I’m the kind of person who needs to flip his pillow many times, always craving for its cooler side. I toss around in my sheets. It’s as if I never find the right position. Or should I say, I’d never found the right position–but my friends that was in the dark ages. Nowadays, in this age of enlightened elevation, the position in which I sleep is subject to my every command. If I want my left leg high and my right leg low, I just swivel my hips. If I want an armrest, I shall have one, with a simple adjustment of my arm’s placement in the stretches of the fabric. It’s a feeling-out process–working out the kinks, learning the tricks–but my mastery of it came quite quickly, in only a couple nights in fact, and I imagine that might to all. Also, on a side note, I’ll mention that a hammock may or may not be advantageous for the health of one’s back and spine. I’m not a doctor so I won’t make the claim per se, though I do see people say so online, and to my personal experience, my back is feeling pretty great these days.

With its hands,
I am clay,
In my hands.
-Hammock Senryu

5.) The considerate nature of my level
In medieval times, when my life was under the control of an evil mattress, it should be no surprise to hear that my mattress showed no concern for the spacial limitations of my small bedroom. My bed had consumed a great deal of that space, and in that while my bed would laugh at me each time in which this troubled my thoughts. But then hammock came along and got me out of that mess. Hammock showed me the light. Hammock made me realize that I deserved better. Which I did and so, I ditched my bed, I threw it right to the curb. Since that day the space in my bedroom has proved itself the reward. Hammock is so considerate, hammock doesn’t mind if I unhook it during the day’s hours. In fact, it was hammock that suggested I do so in the first place.

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6.) My level goes where I go
The best part of having a hammock, might be of course its portability. Unhooked, my hammock rolls nicely into a neat little ball, about as big as a grapefruit. I can take this little bundle of goodness wherever I wish, so that with proper straps, affordably made of paracord and a proper carabiner, all that I need is a couple trees. In the town where I live, St Petersburg, Florida, hammocking there is notably popular along the waterfront downtown, and on any given nice day one can be sure to see a couple enlightened, elevated fellows such as myself, chilling nice between a pair of palms.

The waves will roll,
In unison with wind,
I rock to its song.
-Hammock haiku

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3 thoughts on “The Hammock Level

  1. I mean this as a compliment when I say that you are the demon barber of WordPress Beach on a cool summer day. You are delightful, Luke. The poetry was too awesome. Martha Stewart has thrown up her hands in defeat.

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