What stresses me out, Bonnie, in life is not life itself, it’s you, Bonnie, insisting upon me that my life needs adjustment because you, Bonnie, shockingly, for how you champion the word cannot empathize with anything I am, which would be fine, Bonnie, it would be if you could accept that but you don’t, Bonnie, and I’ve no way to make you, so I’m leaving.
Chalk it up to a bad taste in my mouth–believe that or not I’ve been told it before. Maybe, Bonnie, maybe I’m not trying to be mean to you but maybe I’m failing fantastically. See I’m done with trying hinting things up to you and by hinting things up to you I mean cheating on you and getting caught. Perhaps and I know this is selfish, as selfish as me leaving but if you could hold out on your big heart and trust me when I tell you every time that if I ever want your warm sweet hand I will ask for it.
You tell me it’s senseless, you say that I’m senseless. Bonnie I’m a pervert. I’m a pervert, Bonnie, but don’t give yourself the credit, it’s insulting. I’m not the only helpless man in this Universe. I don’t feel less of a man for draining my balls, I feel less of a man that you should need to hold my hand and that is because, Bonnie, I want you to hold something else. Bonnie I’m 36. I’ve had years to come to terms. You are so young to me, and that’s what I like most about you.
You know those camps, the ones where they send gay teenagers to make them be straight — You know that shit doesn’t work, right? I’m not ashamed, Bonnie, I’m disappointed that you consider me a problem — and I say me and not it because it is me, Bonnie, I am it, Bonnie, I am a pervert. If my gay camp teenagers comparison boils your blood, Bonnie, let it — if you think I am ignorant or just spineless, let it boil. Whatever spills you over, Bonnie, whatever spills you over. How is your brother, by the way? Or I mean your cousin, or your friend, or whatever he is. I don’t remember. I didn’t care.
Tiger Woods ruined everything for the nobodies like me. Nike had dropped that man in ten seconds — Come on, Bonnie, just do it. This has been weeks now, since you found out. I use you, Bonnie. You need to realize this. That writing on the wall can be worded only so plainly. One night we talked a little in bed and never again. Because I don’t respect you. I compromise or, I mean play along with things you like but don’t be naive. I put in legwork. The nights I’m not in bed with you, I’m in other beds. I’m good at getting laid, Bonnie, I put in the effort. I get this feeling you think I came with a code and it needs to be cracked. I don’t respect you. I respect you only enough to inform you that I don’t respect you. Why the expectations must be immense, I don’t know.
I’m trying so hard I know, to not paint myself a total villain — I do at least wave you the red flag. I come with caveats for everything, I know you know this. I have to live with myself, Bonnie. I do. Bonnie, I can’t stand this. Stop hurting your heart; quit making mine pump. Bonnie, your warm hand is enough — I’m getting a semi just looking at your cuticles. Don’t you dare roll up those sleeves.
What stresses me out, Bonnie, in life is not life itself, it’s me, Bonnie. I want you but don’t have you. Sure I might have you in a sense — a sense that, you are in my life and I am in yours. And I am happy with that, of course, as I value what we have, which is our friendship. You’re my best friend, Bonnie. Which is why we need to talk about him. You love him, and yet also you hate him, and I don’t want to sound out of line here but you might deserve better.
He sleeps around on you, he does this, you know this and yet you forgive him. So yeah, you deserve better. You’re the classiest girl he’s with by a mile. More than a mile, I take that back — because Sarah depler, Jane Gizzer, those girls, you know what I mean. It’s more than a mile. Way, way more than a mile. I don’t know why I brought them up, actually, as you know as well as I, but do understand though, Bonnie, that it’s not so easy for me to talk about. I don’t enjoy seeing him do this to you. I don’t enjoy to see the pain he causes you.
I don’t blame you, though, of course because he’s a fucking liar. He lies to you, and he’s apparently good at it. The way how he yells your name all the time, like you’re a dog, it’s not very respectful. He does the same with me, you know that. How he’s never addressed me by my first name, ever, not even once. That is why I show him no respect, which is probably why he does not like me. But do I care if he likes me? Hell no I don’t care! Bonnie I would care IF he liked me. That guy, you know where he’s going to end up one day. Things are gonna catch up with him. They will. That’s how it works. That’s how it always works. You know that. I know you know that. People like him, they always need you to bow down to them, and if you don’t, what you will prove is that the emperor’s castle is only invisible.
Bonnie, I think I can safely say that I love you. Not like a sister, no I mean yes, like a sister. Like a sister. Yeah. That’s how I love you. That’s exactly how I love you. Like a sister. I love you like a sister. I mean if you were my sister I–just, hate to see him do this to you.
We’ve been over this, so many times — and, I drank so much tonight, Bonnie, but you deserve better, though, that’s all I mean to say. You know what I mean though right — that time, how I told you how I felt about you, Remember? Of course, yeah, you do, of course, of course, obviously, you do. We both do. But remember then afterwards it always seemed like every time I said anything to you it always seemed like I was saying I love you, Bonnie. Yeah like yeah, like, every time. Every time. Fucking so ga–stupid. He is a fucking jerk, Bonnie. He is. He really is. No matter what I tell you, Bonnie, he really is. He is a jerk. You deserve better, Bonnie. At least anyone better than him. The guy is an asshole, Bonnie. He truly is an asshole!
What stresses me out, Bonnie, in life is not life itself, it’s life that was. If I have to answer. I know my answer. I don’t want to answer. That doesn’t matter. I have to. At this point I mean come on. I know I’m babbling, because I understand. All I know is what was is no more. It is like you said, your brother, he knew what he was doing, that it was right, it was good. That he was right, that he is right, that he is good. All what we were talking about, I think I get that. I do. It’s not so hard. Adjusting to this. Harder trials do exist.
Crazy to be speaking with you like this, though, you know. I didn’t see it coming.
–I don’t know. I guess just because. You’re always with that guy.
What stresses me out in life, is not life itself. Obviously. I mean, come on. [Chokes on a chicken nugget and dies.]