The First Time

The first time I masturbated, it was pretty late in the game. I was pretty old, as far as averages go. I wasn’t sure what to do, I’d just kept getting erections and had been getting them for years. The plan was, there was no plan; it was just wait for the damn things to go away. But one day I’d started playing with it. My dick that is. I was playing with it. It had occurred to me then that the act of sex involves ejaculation. So, knowing that I put two and two together and figured I just somehow would have to thrust the stuff out of me. And so I did. But I didn’t know a proper method. What I did was twist my dick between my hands–exactly like starting a fire with a stick. This had worked, albeit with some pain but it worked. I did this twist method every time I’d masturbate for about a month, maybe longer. There was also this thing where I’d masturbate in a hot tub. It had involved the jacuzzi jets and I don’t want to talk about it. At the end of that month, my dick was pretty bruised–from both the hot tub and the fire start method. These days, I still don’t use lotion, as I’m all about the dry rub, but I always employ a proper, safe, sanitary method.

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